


JUST A FEW WORDS

by smileyjeongin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Closeted, Coming Out, Emotional, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, another one i wrote in a day, hyunin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-30 00:21:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16754275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smileyjeongin/pseuds/smileyjeongin
Summary: jeongin wasn't being very realistic when he set out to be an idol. too late now.





	JUST A FEW WORDS

**Author's Note:**

> lowercase intended

realistically, jeongin thought it was probably a bad idea to become an idol. the expectations were too high, the practice hours were too long, the lifestyle never slowed, and in his special case, he had too many secrets waiting to be spilled. he slept with a huge stuffed dog at night because he liked to cuddle with it since he didn’t have any roommate to make cuddle with him and still wanted that feeling; he never helped do the dishes and always disappeared to the ‘bathroom’ after meals; he once cheated on a biology test and never got caught, as a result getting a perfect score. most of his secrets were little, just like his members had their own, but he had one secret that was bigger than the rest. he liked boys. so realistically, being in a group with eight other boys wasn’t a good idea, and being gay in a world as cutthroat as the one he was in wasn’t a good idea either. jeongin wished he wasn’t.

he’d been doing a great job so far. hiding it from the members was a piece of cake. he didn’t ever talk about feelings unless it was stress related. he didn’t show interest in anyone which was where the first of the two cases the members called him their baby came in handy. the second was getting him his own room. chan and woojin shared, jisung, minho, and felix shared, and changbin, seungmin, and hyunjin shared, leaving jeongin with the room at the end of the hall all by himself. jeongin also ran an anonymous instagram account where he posted aesthetic pictures and complained about being closeted to thousands of people who didn’t know anything but his screen name. all in all jeongin would say he was doing okay. 

//

everyone was hurrying around. stylists were running around trying to get the members to sit still for two seconds to fix their makeup, and members were jittery just wanting to get out onto the stage. 

“thank you jeongin,” his stylist said with a sigh, “why is it you’re being the most mature right now?” 

“i didn’t have sugar cereal for breakfast?” he guessed making the stylist laugh. 

“you’re all set, have fun.” she walked away and jeongin took it upon himself to start the line that they would walk out in, seeing as he was the first one ready. hyunjin joined him next and leaned into him, hugging around his middle. 

“are you excited?” he asked. 

“mhm.” jeongin hummed, hyunjin gave the best hugs out of everyone in the group. they filled jeongin with a warmth that he didn’t know how to describe and couldn’t get from anyone else. 

“aw is innie tired?” hyunjin cooed, reaching up to pinch jeongin’s cheek. 

“shut up.” jeongin grumbled as heat rose in his cheeks, but he didn’t push hyunjin away. 

“okay everyone, let’s go!” chan yelled, coming forward towards jeongin and hyunjin. he slapped the both of them on the back as he walked by. hyunjin decided to jump on jeongin as they walked out onto the stage, making him carry him on piggyback. jeongin pretended to be extremely weighed down by the latter, making jisung behind the two of them cackle with laughter, and making felix behind him decide it was a good idea, following in hyunjin’s footsteps to jump onto jisung. as they got into a line, both boys got down and they introduced themselves politely to all the people in the crowd. 

the meet and greet was like all the rest, the fans were nice, some a little aggressive but nothing he hadn’t dealt with before. there was also a fanboy in the crowd this time whom jeongin had a great time talking to and genuinely hoped he would see again. they got up and sang a few songs and messed around a bunch like always, and by the time it was done jeongin was ready for a three hour nap. he took one on the ride back to the dorms on hyunjin’s shoulder, the comfiest shoulder in his opinion. he especially liked it when hyunjin put his arm around jeongin and ran his fingers through his hair. 

//

of course, jeongin followed the stray kids instagram and he followed many fan accounts just to see people’s reactions to new music and other content. sometimes he liked their own pictures but not often so no one else thought to look at the account, not that any of the others stalked accounts in their free time anyway. jeongin logged into his account and decided to post a little picture and talk with the friends he’d made through it. it was a schedule free day and that meant he could do wahatever he wanted. chan, changbin, and jisung has chosen to take the day for 3racha. woojin took hyunjin and felix to the movies, and seungmin wanted to get dance help from minho. jeongin was left alone in the dorms. 

after posting a cute picture of himself with a mask, hat, and his face completely pointed down as he showed off his outfit in the fitting room of a random store, he went to his feed. the first few pictures he scrolled past, not finding them interesting. but finally one caught his eye. it was on the stray kids page of him and hyunjin when he took a nap in the car yesterday. the way whoever had taken it shot the photo made it look like hyunjin was unborthered by him. at first he thought the photo was cute enough even though hyunjin wasn’t paying attention to him (which would’ve made it more endearing), but then he saw a few comments. the most recent being:

‘ jeongin is so gay lol ’

jeongin’s blood ran cold and with shaking fingers, he clicked to see the rest of the comments. they all were agreeing with whoever had said it, no one defended him (though it was true) and a few people actually added reasons. he was clingy, he let hyunjin (and on occasion felix or jisung) kiss his cheeks, he just looked gay. jeongin closed out of the tab and put his phone face down on the bed. he had to be more careful, he thought. he had to try harder to make sure no one found out because if they did, he was done for. 

he stayed in his room until he knew everyone was back and having dinner. he couldn’t skip even though he didn’t want to eat, afraid he might throw everything up. they would question him and questioning was bad, very bad. so he went out to eat, pretending he’d woken up from a nap only moments before so no one would think anything of it if he was quiet. 

“hey innie.” chan called, noticing him walk in. jeongin stifled a fake yawn and waved. 

“aw is the baby tired?” jisung cooed jokingly. jeongin threw him his best glare which was effective in making jisung jump a little and shut his mouth. after getting food, he sat at his place at the table and tried to eat as much as he could. it was nearly impossible. the clawing of his secret, and the churning in his stomach in sick terror, was making keeping food down harder than it had to be. he picked at his food as the other talked. he didn’t join the conversations that were happening around the table and instead drowned himself in his thoughts. the comments he read haunted him and he thought about what would happen if the members just decided to read some comments. they would see everything and he’d be kicked out for sure, if not by them then by jyp. 

it was these thoughts in mind that made jeongin choke back a sob and feel the terrible sensation of bile rising in his throat. he roughly pushed his chair back and covered his mouth with his hand, trying to hold his sick as he sprinted from the kitchen to the bathroom. he heaved into the bowl, coughing and spitting out the contents of his nearly empty stomach. tears rolled slow down his cheeks and when he thought he was done he rested his head against the bowl, too tired to move. 

“jeongin? are you okay sweetheart?” jeongin hiccuped in response, hating the way he blushed at hyunjin’s habit of using pet names when people were upset. jeongin forced himself up,

“i’m fine.” he said. he made busy, flushing the toilet and getting out his tooth brush and toothpaste. 

“you threw up for no reason innie, you aren’t okay,” hyunjin said. he walked further into the bathroom and tried to lure jeongin into his arms, “tell me what’s wrong.” he begged. but jeongin shoved him away,

“i said i’m fine hyunjin.” he snapped. hyunjin got the hint and drew away, leaving him alone in the bathroom. jeongin finished brushing away the bile in his mouth and when he felt sufficiently clean, he retreated into his room. there, curled up in millions of blankets, he cried. 

// 

he wasn’t the same when he woke up. he let no one touch him, he didn’t care how tired he was, there would be no more leaning on anyone, no more asking changbin for a piggyback ride home from the practice rooms, no more encouraging embraces from chan or woojin, no more playfully annoying pinches from seungmin, and no more hugs from hyunjin. that was the kicker. hyunjin with his soft smile and even softer heart, his beautifully innocent mind unaware what’d he’d done wrong to get the silent treatment. jeongin had never missed anyone more in his entire life. 

he pretended his heart wasn’t shattering inside and he smiled and laughed. but no one was allowed to touch him and if someone got too close he would move himself somewhere else. he checked the instagram religiously, wanting to see if his efforts were paying off. no one commented on it until he’d gotten a little mad at hyunjin on vlive when the latter just wanted to see the phone screen he had in his hand and leaned into him from behind. 

as soon as the live ended jeongin bolted, tears already falling from his eyes. he wiped at them furiously, smudging his makeup all over the place. he made it to his room without anyone stopping him, and as soon as he was alone he sobbed. he stuffed his face into a pillow to drown out his pain but this time it didn’t work. he was too hurt, too tired of playing charades, too fed up and angry. 

“what’s wrong with jeongin?” minho asked quietly. none of the others had moved from the couch. 

“he’s been weird for weeks.” felix said as if none of them had noticed it before. 

“no one said anything to him right?” chan asked. everyone shook their heads, “hyunjin did he say or do anything that night he randomly threw up?” 

hyunjin’s lip quivered, “n-no.” he whispered. 

“hey jinnie what’s wrong?” chan asked, noticing the latter about to start crying too. 

“i just want innie back.” hyunjin sobbed, falling into chan’s side for comfort. 

“i know jinnie,” he said rubbing hyunjin’s back, “we all do.” 

“he won’t tell us if we ask him.” woojin said.

“how else are we supposed to figure it out then?” jisung asked. 

//

jeongin wanted to quit. he wanted to leave the group, and was seriously contemplating the effects of his departure. he’d been talked to twice by jyp about his attitude, the first more sincere and trying to convey feelings of care, the second more harsh demanding he get it together. fans could tell something was wrong and started talking about it. they were all worried that something was wrong with their beloved youngest, and it only made jeongin more angry with himself that he still wasn’t hiding well enough. 

they had a day off, but with the drastic changes in his behavior and constant paranoia ripping at jeongin’s mind, he’d been slipping with choreography. i am: you was supposed to be their amazing second comeback and everyone could feel the pressure to come back better than ever. their dance was hard of course, lots of detail movements that would really make it shine and jeongin was missing all of them. with the day off chan insisted he go to the practice rooms and figure out the dance. it was the one and only time he forced someone to do something with his power as leader. he sent hyunjin with him to help, which was why he was ready to throw himself off a bridge. 

they finished practicing only after hyunjin said he had done well, praising jeongin wonderfully as if he deserved it. jeongin smiled as best he could and started back to the dorms. hyunjin didn’t bother him with words or actions, and for the first time since he’d started pushing people away, jeongin felt content with the situation. when they got home the dorm was loud, boisterous laughter and chattering carried through their living space and for a moment jeongin thought he was home. then the noise stopped and everyone looked at him. 

“uh hi?” he said, forcing a laugh. 

“jeongin we need to talk to you.” chan said standing up. 

“o-okay.” 

“you wanna sit? we all will come on guys.” chan ushered everyone to sit in a circle with jeongin placed in the center of the couch. 

“is something wrong?” jeongin asked, feigning innocence. 

“it’s no surprise to anyone that you’re keeping something in,” chan said, “you got distant with everyone in a matter of what seemed like seconds and you cry yourself to sleep almost every night. we wanted to wait until you came to us , asking for help but apparently you aren’t going to and with the comeback coming up we have to insist you explain. i’m giving you a chance to speak for yourself.” jeongin’s throat closed up and he tried to swallow. he shook his head firmly. 

“we know about the account jeongin.” woojin said. 

“w-what?” he croaked, staring with wide, petrified eyes.

“we know you’re gay jeongin.” jeongin couldn’t feel anything besides the sheer terror and rapid beats of his heart. his worst nightmare had come to life. he couldn’t control his breathing, it came in short bursts, he felt the need to cry but no tears came when he did. his entire body hurt, crying dry, heaving and shuttering with each choked weep. 

“hey baby don’t cry,” hyunjin gathered jeongin into his arms, holding him strong and tight, “you’re okay, there’s no need to cry.” he usually was always able to calm jeongin down, comfort him better than anyone else, but now jeongin was hysterical. 

“there is!” he sobbed, “you know! no one was supposed to know and n-now everything’s r-ruined!” 

“what’s ruined jeongin?” chan asked gently. 

“the group! i can’t be in the group a-anymore because i’m gay in a group full of boys! you guys hate me!” jeongin yelled. silently, changbin stood up and walked over to jeongin. he rather roughly forced jeongin to look at him. 

“no one in this group is going anywhere,” he said. jeongin wanted to look away, changbin’s eyes were piercing, “we proved that with the reality show. we’re nine or nothing. yes, we’re all in the bad right now. we snooped in your private property and you didn’t tell us what was wrong. we know some things need to be dealt with privately, but this concerns all of us whether any of us like it or not. once it effects your health jeongin, it becomes our problem. some of us weren’t comfortable once learning your sexuality but they’ll get over it because you’re still our jeongin, and you don’t even have to know who they are because it doesn’t matter. so stop thinking we’re kicking you to the streets.” changbin hugged jeongin with the finish of his speech, and jeongin held onto changbin’s shirt like it was his lifeline. 

“perfectly put.” chan murmured. 

“i’m sorry.” jeongin said, letting go of changbin. 

“for what?” hyunjin asked, cautiously reaching over to take jeongin’s hand. jeongin let him, too tired and too desperate to fight. 

“for pushing all of you away. for thinking the worst outcome would happen. for being selfish.” 

“nothing about this situation makes you selfish,” hyunjin said, “if anything it makes you selfless.” 

“i think we need ice cream.” felix said from the floor. jeongin laughed, cute, genuine laughter for the first time in weeks. 

“we are in the middle of training for a comeback.” changbin pointed out, hands on his hips. 

“we basically just outed jeongin,” felix argued, “i think we deserve ice cream. it’s been a long and very emotional day.” 

“get your coats,” chan spoke up, already getting off the floor, “we’re going out.” felix cheered, sending a smug ‘ha!’ at changbin. everyone started getting ready to leave but jeongin stayed on the couch for a little while longer. he watched his family run around like always and never felt happier in his life. beside him, hyunjin tugged him into a side hug. 

“i missed you so much innie.” he mumbled into jeongin’s hair. 

//

things got better in record time. the first change was jeongin having a roommate now. hyunjin offered to switch rooms and stay with him and with no objections besides the ones in jeongin’s heart, hyunjin was moved in within a day. jeongin didn’t ever figure out who was put off by his sexuality since everyone acted the same as before but he figured that was a good thing. promotions went amazingly and all was well and back to normal. the only difference was that jeongin figured out why he got warm in the cheeks around hyunjin. 

rooming with his crush wasn’t as bad as fan fiction made it out to be, and it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. he was content knowing hyunjin was by his side through it all. getting to see his bed head, watch his tired eyes crinkle in a smile when jeongin joined him in the bathroom, happily complying when he requested they match for a day. it was enough to satisfy jeongin’s heart. 

it was night, they’d gotten back from recording the dance practice for get cool. everyone was tired and there were few members mulling around for long. hyunjin like always was flung over jeongin’s back, and jeongin anticipated being asked to cuddle. hyunjin have jeongin back his clothes and when they were both in their pajamas they made the trip to the bathroom. when they go back hyunjin went to his own bed, surprising jeongin. 

“hey innie?” hyunjin called softly from the top bunk. 

“yeah?” 

“i want to tell you something.” 

“okay.” jeongin tried to stay awake enough to catch hyunjin’s words though his eyes wanted to slip closed. 

“i’m gay too,” hyunjin said, “that’s all, you can go to sleep now.” 

“no wait!” jeongin poked his head out and met hyunjin’s gaze already peering down at him. hyunjin disappeared and started climbing quietly down the ladder. when he got to jeongin’s bedside he made a shooing motion with his hands and jeongin moved over for him. they spent the night trading stories, coming outs if they had happened, how they knew, and the long history of regrettable crushes. they went to bed at two in the morning and jeongin ended up falling asleep with hyunjin tucked against him after all. 

//

the following morning jeongin wasn’t awake first but hyunjin hadn’t moved from the bed though he could’ve. he looked up to see hyunjin staring past jeongin’s head looking completely content. jeongin reached up and poked hyunjin’s cheek, loving how adorably it squished under his finger. hyunjin looked down at him and grinned ever so slightly and jeongin removed his finger. the next few moments were weird, jeongin stared at hyunjin, hyunjin stared at jeongin, and no eye contact was broken in the span of the ten seconds this went on. 

unbeknownst to jeongin, hyunjin had started leaning closer to him and he only really noticed when he could feel hyunjin’s breath and couldn’t see him very well because he was going crosseyed just trying. hyunjin’s lips were just how they looked, soft and tender. hyunjin was always so sure of everything he did and jeongin could tell this was one moment when he felt vulnerable. he kissed like he was afraid. not to break jeongin or anything reguarding him for that matter, and not because he thought he’d read the situation wrong. but it was because he was afraid to mess up. it was refreshing for hyunjin, perpetually confident, to be so cautious in his actions for once and for good reason. jeongin had learned last night that before this he’d never had a first kiss. 

by the time they parted, panting into each other’s red mouths, jeongin couldn’t help but smile. hyunjin beamed and threw the covers off of them. his hand wrapped around jeongin’s and he dragged the younger up and into the living room. 

“i have an announcement!” hyunjin yelled, “i’m gay too and i just made out with jeongin! it was amazing! thank you!” with that hyunjin lead and embarrassed jeongin into the kitchen to get breakfast. the first person to react was felix, laughing out loud and nearly spilling his yogurt all over the carpet. the second was jisung,

“well shit.” he said. 

“you guys can’t…” chan trailed off not sure how to phrase what he wanted to say, “i mean i’m not trying to say you can’t have a relationship if you want to but…” 

“we know channie don’t worry. we’ll be careful.” jeongin said quietly, smiling shyly up at him. chan’s face softened and he ruffled up jeongin’s hair fondly. jeongin glanced at hyunjin as everyone went back to normal. hyunjin was already beaming at him, eyes shining. everything worked out and it was even better than he’d imagined. guess it was time to delete that instagram account.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed <3  
> twt: rosyzzico


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